I have mentioned it on other occasions, but we all live under the illusion of linear assumption. We believe today will be like yesterday and next week like last week and so on. But this is not always true; non-linearities occur.
Last year we thought our fourth pregnancy would be like the prior three. But this was not the case.
It was a non-linearity when my wife Valerie woke up with unexpected bleeding. It was a non-linearity when I left work early. It was a non-linearity when I pulled up to see Valerie and our friend Monica embracing while shedding tears and mourning the loss of our baby.
At that time we didn't know what to think or do. We were in pain. We never doubted God; but we did have questions. I cannot say these questions have all been answered, but I can say that God has demonstrated His love toward us through people who never left us. God has shown us His love through people who cried with us, and walked with us through our season of grief.
When we found out we were pregnant again you can imagine the desperate prayers and nail-biting that took place. But we had no idea that one year and one week after mourning our loss that we would be welcoming a baby girl into the world.
All along God knew what was happening. There were no surprises for Him. It was no shock to Him when Valerie and her best friend Tori prayed together that they might experience a pregnancy at the same time. Unbeknownst to these two women, God knew that not only would they be pregnant at the same time, but they would both conceive girls after having delivered three boys previously. God also knew that these baby girls would be born on the very same day; less than two hours apart.
Nothing or no one can replace the child we lost. I still think about the one we named River, who is now in heaven with Jesus. I still have questions that I do not expect to have answered this side of the grave. I do not question the Lord is in control.
I do like to take time to consider non-linearities in life. When they occur I try to pay attention. It seems as though the Lord uses these unexpected events and times in order to speak to me and teach me something I need to learn. A non-linearity to me is no surprise to God.
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